The Dishwasher

Steve and I have lived in the same house for most of our married lives.

We have also owned nearly the exact same model dishwasher for the same married lives.

I have been sick the last 10 days or so. You know -- like flat-on-my-back, not-getting-up-for-anything sick. So the kitchen has been somewhat, shall we say, "let go". (Incidentally, I hate it when people use that term in place of the word FIRED.) Steve is on the last day of his four-day today and he decided that while I was at MOPS this morning, he would clean the kitchen. He informed me of this intention before I left.

Let's take a little interlude here. I REALIZE that I should proud to have a husband who can tell when the kitchen is beyond my human help. I also realize that I should be content that he is willing to help me when things need to be done and I clearly cannot do them under my own power.

That being said: I cannot believe that after all this time, he still does not know how to load the dishwasher to its fullest potential. I do it every other time, and its always done the same way. I have put in some extensive research to figure out with the proportion of types of dishware we use regularly, how the dishwasher needs to be loaded in order to contain all the dishes from the past 24-48 hours -- thus requiring only ONE cycle instead of two.

You know those kids plates made from melamine (probably cancerous), or whatever they are? The ones that say "top rack dishwasher safe" on the bottom? Well I am extremely proud to say that after many personal demonstrations and even a quick English lesson, Steve has now mastered putting these plates on the top only. During the training period, it was necessary, however, to point out that *I* was not saying this simply to complicate his life ("But all the OTHER plates go on the bottom!!") but rather the dishes would melt and warp should they be placed too close to the heating element (I even had to point out where the heating element was with respect to the bottom and top shelves of the dishwasher -- Why? I don't know -- this is CLEARLY a male-dominated area of expertise.) That lesson securely placed in his long-term memory, I have been attempting to gently press in additional tidbits about dishwasher-loading theory.

He doesn't get it. He has apparently maxed out the dishwasher theory portion of his brain.

"But WHY can't the stoneware bowls on on the top? They fit so nicely in those slots!"
"Because we need all those nice slots to put in the kids plastic bowls that need to stay on top." (Hey -- I said he mastered the plastic PLATES, NOT the plastic bowls.) "Everything that can go on the bottom needs to go on the bottom to accommodate all the kids' stuff on top."

And the plates. Some plates lean further back (the Tupperware ones) in the plate-slots than others (the stoneware ones). As a result it would seem common sense to put the further-leaning one BEHIND the non-further-leaning ones in order to facilitate the best washing possible.

[This one required a personalized demo.]
"See how the red plate leans really far back and almost completely blocks the dirty surface of the stoneware plate?"
"Kinda."
"Well if the water is squirting from here [indicating the spinny water-shooting thing] then the water will not be able to squirt onto the stoneware plate. It needs to go in the front."
"What?"
"Do you see the difference in the angles?"
"Yes."
"Do you understand how the water squirts out?"
"Yes."
"SO WHAT IS THE CONFUSION??"

Lesson #4 is later this week.

After finishing a glass of milk, and the kids finishing two individual bowls of sliced apples, I went into the kitchen to place the items in the dishwasher. (Just as a refresher, Steve cleaned the kitchen about 10 hours previous -- loading the dishwasher with the previously dirtied dishes from the counter.) When I opened it up, the first thing I noticed is the stoneware bowl in the plastic bowl slots. I glanced into the bottom rack to make sure that there was sufficient room for the bowl down there and discovered that there was indeed room remaining. NOT ONLY THAT -- but there were already two other stoneware bowls on the bottom, in the spots where we always put them. I realized that these were the bowls that *I* had put in there yesterday, and *he* wouldn't put his bowl down there because we all know it fits nicer in the top slots. I moved the bowl. This freed up space for the two plastic bowls the kids has just finished using. An oddly placed glass (moved to the bottom) freed up room for two more plastic cups to go in the cup spots, which opened up a spot for the dishes on the counter that apparently wouldn't fit in there previously. There was so much room on the bottom that I was able to transplant several glasses from the top to the bottom to allow for more optimal water flowage between the top rack cups. I even had room on the bottom to put in a baking dish I had just rinsed out! (But no -- not enough room for a stoneware bowl!)

It then occurred to me that the dishwasher was SO FULL that it should have been started earlier in the day, before lunch and supper dishes were crammed in as well. In fact -- he could have started and unloaded the dishwasher before I even got home from my morning event and this whole blog rant would have been moot! Nonexistent!

I want you to know that I truly do understand the saying, "If you don't like how I do it, then do it yourself." But I think its equally as important to remember this phrase as well, "If you are going to do something [especially to help your ailing wife] then do it right the first time."