Annoyed

I've determined that there are way too many things that just annoy me about people, in general. I will now find a bunker -- free of other lifeforms -- to live in for the rest of my earthly life. This blog post will be continuously updated as I find more things that annoy me, so please feel free to check back regularly.

1. Asking questions with obvious answers.
"Steve, could you please go outside and pick up that yard waste laying around?"
"Where do you want me to put it?"
"In the big cardboard box."
"Where is the big cardboard box?"

Ok -- a little background information. We have always had 1-2 large cardboard boxes in the garage that are used for purposes such as this. In case the box's location wasn't obvious enough given our past history with them, the latest cardboard box has been sitting DIRECTLY outside the garage door for about 3 months. For some reason unbeknownst to me, Steve has simply never thrown this box out on garbage day. It just sits there, right in the way of the door, getting knocked over nearly every time we enter or exit the house. So in case Steve was not already aware that we throw yard waste into cardboard boxes, he maybe should have been able to figure out that the box he has been running into for 3 months MIGHT POSSIBLY be the one I was referring to, especially given his apparent affection for the same box, having never throw it out.

2. The inability to draw conclusions.
"There is something under the couch. Could you please get it out?"
"Which couch?"
"The only couch that I can see from the kitchen."

Background on this one: we have been busily cleaning for our open house today. I was in the kitchen finishing up some last-minute counter-wiping, and Steve was standing in the middle of the kids' play area, doing whatever it is guys can do while standing perfectly still in the middle of a room. He could just about see me from where he was, as well. After the preceding conversation took place, I realized that Steve actually went into the larger living room and started pulling things out from under that couch instead, never actually putting two and two together.

"Wrong couch."
"Well why didn't you just tell me which one?" (good question, but I will not cave!)
"Because you should have been able to cognitively deduce which couch I was referring to without me holding your hand and leading you to it."

3. Answering questions stupidly.
I sat down on the floor to gather the newspapers in a bag. There is STUFF whirling about me as I sit down. I thought this was a bit strange since I am completely certain I just asked Steve to vacuum this room (and equally as certain I recently heard the vacuum cleaner running).

"Did you vacuum in here?"
"YES."

Rather than answering I went and grabbed the Swiffer and began scraping up the remanants of his "vacuuming" job. I made sure to pull the cloth thingy off right in front of him. I forgot to factor in the can't-move-things-while-vacuuming-because-I-am-male part of the equation originally, and it has now become MY fault that I did not handhold while instructing on proper vacuuming techniques. I'm telling you, when I moved the file-cabinet-on-wheels to check underneath it, things SWIRLED out with the air movement.

4. Asking question rather than thinking of the answer for yourself. (expected from kids, not husbands).
"Could you please clean the laminate in here?"
"What should I use to clean it WITH?"
"The same thing we have used to clean it with for the past 2 1/2 years we have lived here."

Steve was standing approximately five feet away from the only bottle sitting out on the kitchen counter: clearly labeled "laminate floor cleaner". I then handed him the microfiber mop required for the job. This seemed to ring a bell. (Please note that my favorite husband was the one who BOUGHT the floor cleaner and microfiber mop in the first place.)

As a little bonus to this annoyance story, I would like to point out that the proper technique needed to use this floor cleaner is to spray a small area, then wipe it off with the mop. Steve was so mad at me by this point that he sprayed nearly the entire area to be mopped, then had to walk over the wet part to get to the furthest part of the floor to mop it. Serves him right.

5. Relying on innocence as a cop-out for responsibility.
"Did you not SEE the huge smushed bug on my butt all afternoon??"
"No. I wasn't looking at your butt."

Whatever. That's all I have to say about that.