Happy Customer Service Week

My conversation today with a doctor's office finally made me snap and write this, the first blog entry in months.

Oh, but where to start.....

Called the number for this clinic. Got a recording during which I pressed "2" for new patient scheduling. Got another recording which asked for me to leave my name (inlcuding the correct spelling), phone number, and birthdate. So I did that. Since I knew they would want to know a referring doctor, I also gave them his name.

Callback about 20 minutes later (no -- really!)

"This is Darlene on a recorded line for the new patient scheduling department. How can I help you?"
"Exactly what I left in my message."
"I'm sorry. All I have is your name and phone number. I don't listen to the messages myself."
"So why do you ask for all that information to be left in the message if the message-listener is not going to relay it to you?"
"Excuse me?"
"Forget it. I just need to schedule a new patient appointment." (I guess I thought that the new patient scheduling lady would know that I needed to schedule a new patient appointment.)
"Ok. Could I have the spelling of your last name please?"

"M -E - etc etc etc".
"And the spelling of your first name?"
"M - O - L - L - I - E."
"Thank you. And you said that your doctor faxed over a referral?"
"Yep."
"Ok, well I will have to go find that."

"So did you want me to call you back when I find it?"

"Sure."

She calls back two minutes later.....
"Ok, now could you please tell me your birthdate."
and I tell her.
"You know, we schedule appointments for 30 different doctors and there is only one message-taker."

"Did you want to schedule this appointment or not?"
"What?"
"If you don't want to do this, we don't have to. I am going to be asking you a lot more questions so I will need you to answer them."
"THEN PROCEED."
"I am going to have to ask someone else to finish your scheduling."
"I don't want to discuss anything. Can we just schedule the appointment?"
"Ok." And she asked me the remainder of the questions. They include things like, "Are you taking any blood thinners? Are you taking any injectable blood thinners? [in case those aren't the same thing]"
After the questions, she hooks me up with an appointment. She ends the conversation with "Would you like our address or do you not need that?"
"I don't need it; I know where you are located."
"Ok. We are located at 2421 Kohler Memorial Drive. Thank you."

ARGH.

What we learned from this clinic:
1. If you are going to ask a question, then listen for the answer -- or at least write it down.
2. If the answer is no the first time, it will be no the second time.
3. If you suck at your job, don't project that onto me.
4. If you work in the new patient scheduling department, I am betting that someone calling you might be a new patient wanting to schedule an appointment.
5. Don't mess with me during bad customer service week.

Now this most recent customer service disappointment experience has gotten me all geared up to write about the rest of the run-ins I had with bad CS this week.

Menards:
We want 20 small, patio-type bricks. Our new Menards allows you to walk around out in the yard and has little prices listed on all the pallet-type items (such as patio blocks). One would think that you could simply pick up the items you wanted and go to a check-out. But upon closer inspection you will realize that the bricks are not exactly individually priced, nor is there the little tag you pick up and take to the cashier with you. This made me realize that there were a couple different possible scenarios, none of which would turn out well in the end.

1. Put the bricks in the cart and go to the check-out. They wouldn't know what they were, and wouldn't believe me even if I told them exactly what they were (because it has been my goal to get bricks at Menards for a lower price than listed?). They would have to call the department and wait for that person to run around and look for the correct price which would, coincidentally, be the same that I had originally mentioned.

2. Go to the check-out without the bricks. Result would probably be much like the first example.

3. Go to the little machine and have it print out what you want.

This last one sounded reasonable so we gave it a try. Pretty fun little machine let me pick out exactly what we wanted. Got a physical printout which contained a SKU and everything so I took it to the checkout. She informed me that I had to take it to the building supply desk to get an INVOICE printed.

So we did. The guy leaned up against the desk and one-finger-punched in all my responses.
"Name?"
Spelled it for him. Click........click.........click........
"ZIP code?"
Click...........click...........click..........
He looks at the first printout saying EXACTLY what I want.
"Sooo..... you want the dutch cobblestones?"
"Yep."
"Ten of them?"
"Yes."
Click.........click..........click...........
"And you want ten of these too?"

"Yes."
Click........click............click...........
I looked at Steve at this point, and he is laughing at me. Thank, dude.
"Autumn blend?"
"YES." Perhaps a bit too stressed because he looked up from his one-finger-pecking to see if I was going postal or something."

We finally were able to check out with our new, eerily-similar-to-the-first-one printout. Conversation with the cashier.
"Did you find everything ok"
"Yes."
"Do you know where the yard entrance is."
I personally did not, but Steve said he did and the girl nodded and continued with her cashiering.
"Ok. You can pick these up around the building"and she pointed in the direction we needed to go.

Freaking people.

Oh, but its not over yet. We get to the yard and find our little aisle. Sure enough -- right in the middle of the aisle is a large stack of empty pallets. Just sitting there. And our pile is -- of course -- the furthest away from where we are parked. Since the truck won't fit past the pallets we are now hauling 20 bricks by hand to the truck.

Caan's Floral and Greenhouse:
Went to buy a shrub. Didn't get one ($45!!!) but did get a few other things. All perennials. "Buy 5, get one free" was the advertisement touted on the large sign outside. I like free. Picked some stuff out, went to the checkout.
"Did you find everything okay?"
I am in a good mood because I like buying plants. "Yep! And then some!"
"Ha ha ha (it's his job to think I am funny)."
He turns to the computer. "What phone number should I enter to bring up your rewards card?"
"I'm not in there. I've never been here before."
"Ok, well I'll try to find you in here."
"I'm really not in there. I have never been here before." I am still not completely annoyed with this guy, but the euphoria of unnecessary perennial-buying is waning."
"Let's just try a number."
I give him my number. Three seconds later, and GUESS WHAT???
"Oops. Looks like you aren't in here!"
No way.
"Would you like to be?"
I am thinking that if we can avoid this converation the next time I go there, I will sign up for ANYTHING. "Sure."
He rings up my plants. I slap down the benefactors of this little trip -- my Citibank card. He slides it and gives it back to me. I put it back in the checkbook thing, back in the stroller, and walk back over to the counter.
"Oh darn. I did it wrong. I accidentally pushed 'cash'; that always happens when I go too fast. Now I need to call my manager."
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
She clears it and we try again. "Could I have that card back?"
Argh.
We load up the plants and all is well.

Until I get home and realized that I didn't get anything free. Dang.
"Hi, I was just there and realized that I didn't get my buy 5, get one free deal when I checked out. Do you know if that was supposed to still be valid?" Now, of course I know it was, but I wanted to empower the person on the phone.
She wasn't empowered. "I'll have to transfer you to perennials." Hold.
I reexplain the situation.
"Yep you should have gotten one free."
"Can I come back in and get the free one?"
"You will need to bring your receipt."

Pick n Save:
Here is a little necessary background information for this story. The "big" Pick n Save in Sheboygan is being completely rebuilt so all the dedicated Pick n Save shoppers have been diverted to the "little" store, which -- as you might imagine -- causes quite the disaster on a regular basis. Today is no exception. It is about 11:00am on a Tuesday. I have about five things on my list. I expect that this can be a quick trip. I get an onion. I get a box of cereal. I go for the yogurt on sale -- out. I go for the brats on sale -- out. I get a bag of fries.

Front of the store. There are 5 checkouts open, not including the 4 "speedy checkouts", which are the self-check ones.

Let's go into that for a second. Now I originally used a self-checkout at the Plymouth Wal-Mart, and they are pretty darn slick. You are allowed to use your own bag, not bag items that are too big, scan your own coupons, etc. Not at Pick n Save. Want to use your own bag? Need the girl to come swipe her card. Item won't fit in the bagging area? Here comes the card girl. Got a coupon? She swipes again. It wouldn't be so horribly bad if she stayed put, but she has to keep circulating to all the other "speedy checkouts". So I won't use these checkouts, not to mention I don't know if they can do weight items....

So I get in a line. Looks innocent enough. The lady has about 20 cases of soda, but that's usually easy enough.

Nope.

She has to be told four times that she needs to put one of each flavor on the belt to be scanned. Huh? Then she wants to use her Pick n Save card, which has been not valid for about 8 months. Huh? Then the cashier realizes that the soda is on sale, but only in small quantities, so she is going to have to divide them up into four separate orders. Huh? Meanwhile the lady is signing up for her new Pick n Save card. And oh -- while we're here my mother wants a new one too, so I am going to sign her up as well.

I start looking for a new aisle. Found one. This one has someone in it with approximately 328 items, but since there is a bagger (and since all players speak fluent english) I figure this might be a little quicker.

Nope.

I fail to notice that the cashier is the lady who has some sort of "issue" as well as no usage of her right arm. Now this in itself wouldn't make me think this aisle was doomed to be slow, but since she has to do everything one-handed it automatically makes it less efficient. THEN she has to have a full, buddy-to-buddy, coffeeshop CONVERSATION with everyone.

Now, I know that the lady checking my groceries is not my friend. I know that she doesn't care if I am having a good day, and I know that she doesn't care if I found everything okay. I don't want her recognizing me like a loyal dog each time I come into the store, and I know that she is not taking notes on my baby's name and age.

But she is having a full-blown, heart-to-heart conversation with each person in the line. The groceries have long been checked, and she is still talking about planting flowers and when her grandchildren are coming to visit next.

No one cares. Especially not me. I start shoving my three items as closely as I can to the scanner part of the thing so she gets it. I get a "you are so rude" look and she continues yapping.

Finally the lady ahead of me is released and I am quickly done. I refuse to engage my new best friend (for the sake of everyone behind me) at the obvious risk of being the bad guy. I'm ok with that.

I am done and I head to the service desk for a raincheck on the two items that weren't in. The lady, just to be a COMPLETE BRAT, calls back to the separate departments. These are one-sided converations for me, but I will take the liberty of filling in what I know is being said on the other side.
"Meat department?"
"WHAT."
"Do you have any Johnsonville stadium brats back there?"
"Yeah. I am eating one right now."
"Are there any on the shelf?"
"Of course there are. I rock at my job."
Now she turns to me. "He says there are some right out on the shelf."
"Well there weren't 20 minutes ago."
She turns back to her little microphone thingy. "Could you please bring a package up here?"
"When I am done eating."
Five minutes later the brats walk up to the counter.
"I will just give you a raincheck for the yogurt so you don't have to wait anymore."
"Thanks."

But I can't resist. "I just moved here and this store is the WORST Pick n Save I have ever been to as far as waiting."
"I'm sorry." (I hate passive-aggression.)
"I have never been in a line that moves rapidly, nor have I ever been able to always get what I need, especially the sale items."
"I'm sorry." STOP. SAY. THAT.
"I can't come here anymore. My kids are disasters by the time I finally get out and I am tired of wasting half my day here each time I come."
"I'm sorry. Have you tried the speedy checkouts?"
HA!!!!!

It's pretty apparent she doesn't care and that there is nothing she can do about it. So I left.

And now it bothers me that I forgot to check back to see if the 20-cases-of-soda-lady was still there.

Pizza Hut:

Pizza Hut had the "buy a large pizza and breadsticks and get a free Brewers ticket" deal going through yesterday. We originally found this out about a week ago when we ordered pizza, and wanted to order at least one more time so we would only have to buy two tickets when the time came to go to the game. We ordered Saturday, one day before the promotion ended. We picked it up in Plymouth on the way to my parents' house. I made the mistake of sending Steve in to get the pizza, and although he was aware of the reason we ordered it in the first place, he didn't bother confirming that we actually received the voucher.

We didn't.

He had put the pizza box in the back of my minivan so I didn't see it until we arrived at my parents' house but during the trip I asked if he got the voucher.

"Yeah, there was something about the Brewers on the box."

Satisified with that answer for the time being, I didn't really check the box until we got to our destination. No voucher. Now, you would think that seeing as he picked up the pizza the FIRST time we got a voucher he would have figured out that they don't just glue it onto the box -- they hand it to you with your receipt. Nope.

So I called Pizza Hut when I discovered this.

"Hi, we were just there and didn't get a Brewers ticket voucher with our pizza and breadsticks."

"We're out of those."
"Ok..... so we just don't get one?"
"We don't have any."
"Yeah, I got that, but the promotion runs through tomorrow so I want my voucher. That's the main reason we ordered pizza today."
"Well I think the northside Sheboygan store still has some."
"What does that mean?"
"If you order from there you will still be able to get one."
"I'm not ordering from Pizza Hut two times in one day."
"Oh. Um...."
"So how can I get a voucher?"
"Here, I'm going to let you speak with the manager."

...wait...

...wait...

...wait...

"Uh, she's not here right now. She just drove to the other store to get some ticket vouchers."

You don't say...

"You can come and pick one up in a little bit if you want."
"Well I am not going to be there until a lot later. Can you put one in an envelope for me?" (I can't believe I had to suggest this.)
"Sure."

BUT! I will have to say that Pizza Hut did redeem themselves by giving me TWO vouchers instead of one!!! Lucky for them because NOW I will order from there again!