Do all dollar stores employ idiots? Oh..... wait....

So.

I was in charge of getting some movie-theater-type candy for the last MOPS meeting; we were watching a movie and wanted it to be "themed". So I figured the best place to go for candy like that would be the dollar store. Turns out I was right. I snatched up all the Milk Duds, Twizzlers, and Junior Mints I could find (which ended up being about 14 packages). The packages were the size of those movie ones -- you know the oversized boxes of Milk Duds?

We didn't use all of the candy, and I certainly don't want it sitting around my house, so I decided to just return it to the store.

O. M. G.

You know how that place is always understaffed? Well, my good friend "Mona" was manning the cash register that day. I first just told her that I had a return, and a brief frantic look passed over her face. She began fidgeting, as though she really didn't know what to do next. She then told me that I wouldn't get cash back. I saw a stack of gift cards hanging near the register and figured that would be completely fine (after all, it was only $8 worth; I'm sure I would spend $8 at the dollar store sometime in the future). She then asked what I had to return.

This is where it all goes bad. I showed her inside the bag (she had just come around the counter probably on her way to ask how to do a return) and she kind of "gasped". While shaking her head back and forth, she said, "I don't think you can return this!" She started several more sentences and stopped before actually saying anything, as though stammering for the right words, then took the bag from me and said, "I need to go talk to the other people who are unloading the truck in back." I figured I may never see my leftover candy or my green "Shop the Pig" bag ever again.

A huge line was forming during this time. I could almost HEAR them cursing me for holding up the line. (*I* figured that if all dollar store employees weren't idiots, I could have been out of there already. This was definitely Mona's fault.) This line included an old lady with one item, then two people who were apparently together right behind her. There were two more people behind these two, but they were too far away to properly examine. The most interesting thing about this line was the two people who were together. They looked quite well-to-do, in their mid-forties perhaps, and I could almost visualize them climbing into their black Cadillac Escalade out in the parking lot and sipping from their Starbucks cups. (I always find it hilariously ironic that people like that shop at the dollar store.) These people had literally overflowing ARMS-ful (I don't know how to properly write that word; its like "mothers-in-law") of household products: broom, bucket, floor cleaner, aluminum foil, plates, plastic storage containers, mop, etc., etc. It seriously looked like they were just moving into some house and decided that dollar store was the best buy for their money. It was just weird.

Anyway. Here comes Mona. She has my bag and a smug look on her face. Keep in mind that everyone is still watching me. She starts shaking her head as she approaches and says, "I was RIGHT; you can't return FOOD! It's a STATE LAW!" I didn't have time for this. I said, "No, it's NOT a state law." I took the bag from her ("took" makes it sound so nice; it wasn't a nice "take") and left the store.

Then, being me, I went home and proceeded to spend about an hour looking up state statutes regarding food returns. I mean -- how often do you buy something at the grocery store and realize that it was yucky or whatever -- they always exchange it for you. Whatever.

Shockingly enough -- **I** was right! This is what the state of Wisconsin has to say about returns/refunds in general, first:

"In Wisconsin there are no laws that specifically regulate return or refund policies."

Now here is the food part, specifically:

"...after bring served or sold and in the possession of a consumer, food that is unused or returned by the consumer may not be offered as food for human consumption.

"Except...the food, such as crackers, salt, or pepper, (etc.) is in an unopened original package and is maintained in sound condition."

In other words, don't give some bull-crap line about state laws if you having nothing to back it with!

So. Now I have to figure out how I am going to do this since I am now even MORE ticked off that Mona lied to me.

I called this morning and asked to speak with a manager. My new best friend "Kim" answered the phone and I proceeded to explain the previous story (without the side notes). I basically said, "I wanted to return something and the cashier went and talked to someone in back then came and told me state prohibited return of these food items." SHE then said, "Well I was probably one of those people who she talked to in back." HA!!!! I had been waiting for this moment! So I calmly informed her, "Well you would then be very interested in knowing that I took the liberty of looking up the state of Wisconsin food code and not only does it say it has no regulation of returns, it also says that food can be returned as long as it is in uncompromised, original packaging."

Silence.

Then she pulled out the line that was most predictable, "Well that's what I was told by our district manager when I was hired. I'm not going to get canned [very professional wording, Kim] because I returned something that I was told not to return. It's our store's policy."

She also let me know that they don't refund the purchase price, and how did I expect her to refund me if she had no way of doing it; "It's printed right on our receipts!" I said, "That's fine; you have gift cards sitting next to the cash register. Put the money on one of those." A loud GUFFAW, and then, "I can't do that! It's forbidden!"

Let's take a break here. Coffee, stretch, whatever you need.

It's forbidden??!! What?! I did get a lengthy lecture on paper trails and how everything has to be scanned and accounted for... blah, blah, blah, blah. She informed that "someone" would definitely "catch" that and it would come back to her.

I guess I still don't really understand how a gift card is different than store credit. I finally got her to explain that I could "exchange" the items for something in the store, which was also fine with me.

I informed her that, according to state regulations and food code, individual stores are certainly allowed to make their own rules about this type of return. I also said that since the receipt says all items will be exchanged, but not refunded, and that since there was no posting anywhere in the store saying that food items cannot be returned, I fully expected that she comply with my return request. I also told her that since she was the original one who casually tossed out a lie about "state laws" that don't exist I had very little trust for her and her fellow employees.

I asked if she was going to be there all day and she said she was. I said I "looked forward to meeting her" (I really can't help myself sometimes) and that I would definitely be returning the items -- er, EXCHANGING. She said, "You better bring that paperwork in with you because I am going to need at least a copy of it to send in along with the return receipt. I know that this is going to come back to me. I'll probably still get in trouble for doing it." I told her that I had already been in contact with the main office and that they are aware of the situation.

Whatever. Being that I had basically won my argument I had nothing else to prove. Because I didn't want to be banned from the Plymouth, Wisconsin Dollar Tree for the rest of my life, I sure as heck wasn't going in to return anything now! (They would probably put a surveillance camera picture of me next to the cash register now.)

So I decided that I will just donate the items to our church's Awana store for kids to buy and get sugar-blasted on.

Hee hee hee.